went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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