it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
