Small penises have feelings too.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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