She is in my trunk
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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