I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
