the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
