the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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