Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
