I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
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