That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize