Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
