reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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