a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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