allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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