We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
