all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
