I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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