I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
ttyl tear gas
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Randomize
