It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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