you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
