I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
