I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
