you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
please don't ironically join a cult
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