My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
We don't watch enough power rangers
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
