He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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