Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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