I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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