just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
