Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
