Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
