cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
