used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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