just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
