It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
