Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
