No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
