yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
