im drinking this country out of the recession.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
