He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize