OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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