can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
