yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
