Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
do nipples grow back?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
