I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
