I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
