Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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