When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
PANTIES FOUND
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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