Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
