I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
