Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
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