He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
