i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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