I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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