No awkward lesbian experiences without me
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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