Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
That was an excessively violent trivia night
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
