normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
