Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
