guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
