I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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