You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
