Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
