he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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