I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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