My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
