brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I wanna passion pit in your ass
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
