i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
