Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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