I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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