maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Randomize
