Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
