I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
