Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
