his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
