I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize
