I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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