What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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